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Herbert & Harriet

This piece stemmed from a writing assignment I had in which I had to humorously tell the story of a misunderstanding using alliteration…

Herbert hurried home, heaving heavily for Harriet’s healthy helpings. Carrying crippling cravings, he couldn’t contain keeping calm awaiting her arrival. The door slammed closed hard. She clamored, dropping her keys and purse to the floor to keep from dropping the grocery bags.

Ouch! She yelled out in pain, stubbing her toe on the leg of the end table near the front door.

“Hi honey!” Herbert hollered happily as he approached her, hungering for her healthy helpings.

Their lips collided in a kiss before Herbert grabbed the grocery bags bundled between buckling arms belonging to Harriet. The kiss created crippling cravings in Harriet but was hindered by her need to prepare dinner for Herbert. While she prepared the dinner, Harriet hungered for Herbert while he hungered for her healthy helpings. Harriet slipped into the bedroom to put on seductive suitings as the flavorful food cooked. Harriet returned to the kitchen dressed in her sensual-sexy-seductive suitings and set the table with candles and food.

“Oh Herbert,” she sang seductively, “It’s ready! You can come and get it now.”

Herbert hurried, heaving heavily for Harriet’s healthy helpings in the dining room. He stopped at the door of the dining room; staring at the feast before him, he approached carefully, carrying crippling cravings hungering for her healthy helpings. Harriet held arms wide open ready to satisfy his crippling cravings, but Herbert walked right past her arms and kissed her on the cheek en route to the table. Herbert sat down to the feast before him, heaving heavily for Harriet’s healthy helpings; sautéed zucchini, lemon-peppered grilled chicken breast, baked potato with chives, sweet rolls, and a big glass of homemade iced tea. Meanwhile, Harriet kept calm, carrying crippling cravings that wouldn’t be satisfied that night.

Written circa 2012

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